Listening is a powerful tool in any relationship, especially in marriage. It is important to learn how to listen with an open heart and mind, to hear what your spouse is saying, and not just listening so that you may respond. Often, we listen to our spouse and our brains are preparing our response to the discussion. However, listening just to listen and not respond is a skill that can be learned. Listening helps us understand the underlying workings of our spouse, know them better, and be able to be on the same side and pull together for resolution.
Here are some tips on how to become an active listener in your marriage:
- Don’t interrupt: The first rule in the art of genuinely listening to your partner is to not interrupt – let your spouse finish their idea and make their point. Interrupting someone, especially your partner, shows a lack of respect.
- Listen with an open heart: Hear what is there as opposed to what you might want to hear. Listen for what is not being said. Develop the skill of drawing out your mate. They have more to say but will only say it if they feel safe and believe you truly want to know what they are thinking.
- Refine the fine art of listening: Turn off electronics and reserve time to attend to your mate. Listening is an active process—thus the phrase active listening.
- Validate: Summarize and mirror what your spouse has said. This shows that you have heard them and understand their point of view.
- Celebrate the intimacy active listening creates: Active listening allows you to see into each other’s lives. While this kind of intimacy can be frightening at first, the joys of connection and love far outweigh any risks of transparency.
Listening effectively to your spouse is surprisingly powerful in softening his or her heart and leading him or her to have more concern for your marriage. While for some relationships, e.g., friendships, listening can still be effective even if the meetings are sporadic, effective listening for married couples needs to be a regular practice.
In conclusion, learning how to listen actively can help improve communication in your marriage, strengthen your relationship, and help you understand each other better. Remember that listening is an active process that requires effort and practice but it’s worth it in the end.