Marriage Pearl # 2: Forgive Quick

Forgive quick…life is shorter than you think. 

We have no guarantees on tomorrow or even today, we only have this moment. 

Growing up I remember hearing that you shouldn’t let “the sun go down on your wrath.”  As a kid I thought ok, I can stew until bedtime and then I have to make sure I am good with everyone. 

But I realize the saying is well intentioned but reality says we don’t even know if we have until the sun goes down. 

We truly live in moments and at anytime our whole universe can change by the outcome of one moment.  So, learn to forgive quick. 

I’d rather forgive an offense (perceived or real) and let go of my “right” to be offended than have to live for the rest of my life in light of that decision. 

Steve and I have a friend who we spoke with recently.  She lost her husband to heart problems a few years back and she reinforced the idea of forgiving quickly to us and living in the moments we have.  She commented that she would love to go back and reclaim the time she wasted with her spouse.

I don’t want to waste time being offended. 

So, what do you do? 

Bring things into the light, communicate, forgive and move on. 

Sometimes those ungenerous thoughts that I addressed in Marriage Pearl #1 can (and often do) lead to offenses taken. 

Communicating with your spouse in a non threatening way is key.  Saying things like “I heard you say…is that what you meant?” or “When you say/do…I feel…” These kinds of wording take the onus off your spouse and puts it on both of you to come to resolution. 

Once a problem is in the light, it can be discussed. 

Remember you and your spouse are on the same team.  Picture you and your spouse sitting at a table together and the problem sitting opposite you both.  You are on one side together and the problem is on the other side by itself.  You are shoulder to shoulder tackling the problem through your communication. 

Sometimes a plan will emerge so that you can circumvent the situation from happening again. 

Forgiveness is cathartic and will often (in my experience) draw you and your spouse together in a tighter bond.